for Arsenal fans

1 Target Valdes. If there’s a weak link in this team, then it’s the gaffe-prone keeper. He can’t deal with crosses, is erratic with long shots, and is so bad he’s currently Spain’s fifth choice goalkeeper. Arsenal must pepper him like an underseasoned rib-eye steak.

2. Attack the wings. Alves is a brilliant forward-charging full-back but he often leaves space at the back. So keep Arshavin high on the left flank. Maxwell is just as attacking as Alves but he doesn’t have the energy. Stick headless chicken Walcott against him, with simple-to-understand (has to be very simple in Theo’s case) instructions to run him ragged.

3 Whip endless, quick crosses into Bendtner. Barca are not a tall side, their defence is vulnerable to aerial assault and the Dane’s good with his bonce.

4 Song must play as a sweeper in front of the back four, in the way Gilberto Silva did so successfully for years. Barca’s offensive line-up is the best in the world, so we need reinforced defences.

5 Wind up Ibrahimovic. The Swede’s a whiny, temperamental type, who must be getting thoroughly narked about Messi getting all the goals and all the glory. A frequent
whisper-in-the-ear reminder of this fact is vital.


6 Show Thierry Henry the one thing he’d hate most — love. He’s already feeling guilty about even playing against us, so rub it in. Lots of pro-Henry chants from the Gooners, warm ‘you’re the man’ hugs from his old team-mates and a tearful ‘the son I lost’ kiss from Arsene Wenger should do the trick.

7 Carles Puyol has a superstition that he must always enter a pitch with his right foot. Gallas should, therefore, nudge him just as he walks on to the grass, so he has to
use his left. Sorry, but if you’re going to look like a caveman then you deserve to be treated like one.


8. Xavi and Iniesta are fantastic players but not as quick as Fabregas, Rosicky and Nasri. Possession of the ball is nine-tenths of the law in Champions League matches. We must play the fastest one-touch passing game we’ve ever played and stop their midfield getting the ball.

9 They’re not unbeatable. They lost against Rubin Kazan in the Champions League in October. Ever heard of them? Nope, nor have I.

10 Stick Clichy on Messi and I mean stick him on. With Super Glue, if necessary. The French full-back hasn’t been at his best since his return from injury but he has the
speed to keep up with him. Clichy can’t work alone, though. I’d tell Vermaelen to keep a sly eye on Messi, too — or rather bully, prod, goad, grab, trip, foul, grapple, flatten and generally annoy the little Argentine genius for 90 minutes.

p/s: gotten this from Piers Morgan's blog.